Bob the Comic

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Confession

Published on November 12, 2010, in Blog, Site Related.

I have a confession to make, I’ve been holding on out the site.

I used a blog setup for the site as a quick placeholder with plans to do more later. That would have been okay, but then I felt like there was an expectation for me to write stuff occasionally. That’s where the problems started, because whenever I write something funny I save it to try on stage. So the only things I end up posting is stuff that I think might make a person smirk in passing (like a post about kettle’s boiling, or a gay-misunderstanding), but would never actually do in public. After a couple of those, I was so disappointed in my own site, that I just don’t post anything at all.

It’s a terrible way to make an impression on people who take the time to visit.

So, I’m going to change the site. Or, if that doesn’t happen, I’m just going to start posting more without holding back.

I won’t lie, some of it will still be random crap, but I’m going to start tagging the blog entries, so you can check the tag to see if it’s something you’ll want to read (funny entries will be listed as comedy, everything else will have a tags that I come up with as I move forward). I may get around to fixing it so that the tags will display first and identify the post immediately… but I’m not going to get too fancy with the promises just yet. Let’s see if I can just follow through on posting more first.

If you have been checking the site regularly I’d like to say that, first of all, I’m surprised, and second, I’m sorry. I’ll promise to do better.

Virgin Weddings

Published on November 9, 2010, in Videos.

For the two people that still check my website, a new video!:

And also, this tidbit:

If you watch the video, you’ll notice that my website’s URL is quietly perched in the bottom left corner of the video until, suddenly, it decides to dive across the screen and take a little journey. It almost screams “LOOK AT ME.”

I am compelled to tell this truth. This was not some basic video editing trick I added to try and get a few extra hits on my site.

Actually, I don’t know how the fuck that happened. I was just trying to move the words from the bottom left, to the bottom right, decided I didn’t like it, so I moved them back, and the scrolling thing just added itself randomly in the middle of the video. I tried to remove it, but it refused to go away.

So, staying true to the theme of just about everything else on this site, this also was not on purpose.

Progress!

Published on March 25, 2010, in Blog.

I took my buddy David to Pei-Wei for lunch to try and repay him for babysitting drunk me, and as two friends are apt to do we make really inappropriate jokes around each other.

Our meal came to about 27 bucks, at which point David chuckled and said, “Wow. I guess I definitely have to put out now.”

To which I replied, “Psh, you better. I ordered edamame AND the crab wonton appetizers.”

David replied, “Blow-jobs, all around!” And we both laughed.

I then turned back to the kid behind the counter and found him looking uncomfortable. Which is when it hit me: Progress! The idea that men would be that openly gay with each other in public was so ludicrous when I was coming up that people had to assume you were joking. But, now, this kid has to assume that we might be serious, and this is how we negotiate which one of us is going to perform sexual acts upon the other. His only safe way to avoid giving offense is to be polite!

It probably also doesn’t help that David and I make a very ugly couple (two really hairy burly dudes, you’d have to be really super gay to find either us appealing… or a chick. I love women and their low standards for men) one wrong facial twitch and we might make him our twinkie (David: “eh, he was alright”).

Progress!

I would be disappointed about the fact that I can no longer make gay innuendo without people having to wonder how inappropriately frank I am about my gay sex life, but as a connoisseur of awkward moments I am too giddy from the possibilities.

FPIA 2009

Published on January 24, 2010, in Videos.
It took a little while, but I was able to get in touch with the nice lady who independently films the Funniest Person in Austin contest and get a copy of my set from her. This is part of that set. I probably should have cut out more of it than I did, but I wanted people to see the majority of it.

I did cut the opening, because I want to post it as a separate clip. In the mean time check out the video and let me know what you think.

Kettles and boiling water.

Published on January 11, 2010, in Blog.

I watched a kettle till it came to boil today. Why? Cause I’ve always considered that old saying as something of a challenge.

Took about an hour.

Not because the kettle was, by some dark magic, resisting the laws of physics in an effort to protect the intimate moment when it convinces water to boil. Nah, I just happened to get distracted and miss the first boil. So, I dumped the water and started the process again, but didn’t take into account that the kettle was now warm, and I wouldn’t have the same amount of down time as I did the first try. So I wasn’t watching when the second boil occurred. And then, during the third attempt, I got a phone call and looked away long enough to miss the boil start, and so on…

Ultimately it turns out a watched kettle does boil. You just have to be really committed to witnessing it happen.

Cock-smock!

Published on November 11, 2009, in Videos.

My newest web video. Get out there and cock-smock the world, people!

They actually said that…

Published on October 30, 2009, in Blog, Moment.

It’s time for one of those historically patented “They actually said that?” moments. This moment is brought to us by the Chamber of Commerce in their argument against environmental protection policies:

On climate change, Mr. Donohue’s group says warmer temperatures could help by reducing deaths related to cold weather.

Yes, they actually said that.

credit
© Bob Khosravi 2012 and Beyond!